


Grassroots

by clockwork_spider



Category: Akatsuki no Yona | Yona of the Dawn
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Not A Fix-It, Time Travel, canon rewrite from hak-joodoh's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-14
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-06 21:25:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 5,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14656536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clockwork_spider/pseuds/clockwork_spider
Summary: In a different world, a different time, Hak killed Soowon and condemned them all. Something brought him back in time, back to the day Yona was born. He took up the name Han Joodoh.Joodoh learned that he can’t fix everything.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So Sorasan started this post that compared Hak and Joodoh’s angry faces and Ehyde so cleverly suggested… What if Joodoh is Hak?  
> http://fallenwithstyle.tumblr.com/post/173207641234/clockworkspider-sorasan000-new-aesthetic-au

 

Everything went to hell after Hak killed Soowon in the fire tribe village.

Soowon stood there, frozen. He just stood there. Stood there as Hak decimated his guards. Stood there as Hak’s hand connected with his head. Didn’t even move to defend himself as Hak pushed him down. There was a sickening crack as his head connected with the ground.

The last thing Soowon said, desperate as his eyes flickered, as blood pooled around his head, was “Hak… I can’t… it’s not time…”

Later, much later, Hak would remember how Soowon froze, and wonder why Soowon didn’t move.

* * *

Yona took back the throne.

It wasn’t planned, it wasn’t what Yona wanted, but Kouka needed a ruler, and Yona wouldn’t let her father’s Kingdom (Soowon’s kingdom, her kingdom) be divided.

The usurpers, those who participated in the coup with Soowon, were to be executed.

Yona didn’t like it, but they didn’t have a choice. To stabilize Yona’s return to the throne, the coup had to be brought to light, and the punishment for treason was death.

“Spare us, and others will attempt the same,” Soowon’s chief of staff gave his final piece of advice to the new ruler, “do onto us what your father had done to Lord Yuhon.”

“What are you talking about?” Hak asked.

The man, Keishuk, narrowed his eyes, “The princess didn’t tell you… Lord Yuhon was murdered by King Il himself.”

And suddenly everything and nothing made sense. Soowon, face blank after his embrace with King Il at his father’s funeral. Soowon, smile detached as said “I love people”.  _Soowon, voice cold as he said “I sent him to hell.” Soowon, eyes filled with tears as he said “Hak–_

“Do you not care about your own life? About the men who worked for you?” Yona asked.

“I use to care about vengeance, now I care about the kingdom.”

And for the kingdom, their heads lined Hiryuu Castle’s courtyard.

Yun and Jaeha left that day, shattered by the brutality of politics.

Yona, whose smile was like the morning sun, never smiled again after that.

(A few times, Hak had caught her staring at that hairpin, and he remembered her trembling hand as she traced them over Soowon’s face, as she called out his name and shook him by the shoulder.  _“Hak, what have you done?”_  He remembered Soowon’s eyes, bright and clear and blue before life faded away “Hak, it’s not time”.)

* * *

Yona’s ascension was followed by a revolt from the Fire Tribe, aided by Kai.

Due to the involvement of Kan Sujin in the coup, Kan Kyoga was placed under close watch. No one had expected the younger Taejun, known mostly for being useless, to raise an army.

The Wind Tribe was the first to come to the aide of the crown.

The Sky Tribe itself served Soowon closely, and had participated in the past coup. Their loyalty died with their King.

The Water Tribe chose to maintain their neutrality. It was too early for them to spill blood for an empress who haven’t proven herself.

The Earth Tribe defended Kouka on principle. Guen-tae was a patriot, and refused to see Kouka trampled by Kai. “If the brat had came to me instead of Li Hazara, I would have joined him,” said Guen-tae, with a wild, challenging laugh.

They came too late.

* * *

One moment, Hak was on the battlefield, killing enemy after enemy, no end in sight. The next, it was just him and Zeno. 

“Yona is gone,” Zeno said, “they’re all gone.”

(Hak later learned that Jaeha had returned, only to die alongside his King. The man had wanted freedom, this wasn’t what he had in mind.)

“It’s not time,” Zeno had said, because they were supposed to be together for fifty years to come.

In his dream he saw Yona, looking up at him from the ground of Katan, red hair splayed out like blood, and she choked with tears in her eyes, “Hak… I can’t… it’s not time.”

* * *

When he woke up again, Hak found himself 16 years in the past.

The Queen had just given birth to a new princess. 


	2. Chapter 2

He didn’t return to the Wind Tribe. 

He visited, at some point, and found his younger self, who was an insufferable brat. And that was enough of that. 

Instead, he enrolled in the military, under Lord Yuhon. If the murder of Soowon’s father was to be the catalyst, Hak was going to stop it. 

He went by the name Han Joodoh. It didn’t take long for Han Joodoh to become the captain of the imperial guard. 

* * *

Soowon, on the other hand, was a frustratingly _good_ child. Genuine, curious, eager to learn. When he smiled, there was no darkness, no hint of the man he’d become. Seeing it was painful, but Joodoh couldn’t tear his eyes away. His past self couldn’t either. 

(When Joodoh caught a fever, Soowon brought him soup. The child barely knew him then but still said “please get better soon,” like he meant it.)

And whenever he saw Soowon's smile, he remembered the feeling of Soowon’s head in his hand, the sickening crack as it hit the pavement. He remembered the light fading out of Soowon’s eyes as he called out his name. And he thought, “I miss this”. And even when Soowon was right there, standing before him and happy and smiling, he still missed it. 

* * *

Soowon was also terrifyingly observant. That much, at least, never changed. 

“You don’t seem to like Hak much, Captain Joodoh.” 

_You’ll end up backstabbing him one day. He’ll hold a grudge, and then he’ll kill you,_  Joodoh didn’t say. Instead, he just scoffed. 

“Hak’s amazing, though. Have you seen him fight?”

_ Yes, been there done that.  _

“He might not seem very motivated, but he’s a very earnest person. It’s like you can always see his heart out in the open. And when Hak has something to protect, he’s unstoppable…” Soowon turned his eyes to Joodoh, and a smile blossomed on the young face, "He’s kind of like you that way.” 

Joodoh choked.

“He’d be glad to hear that, coming from you,” he offered. Soowon was too young to know the difference between protectiveness and anger. Too young to understand vindictiveness or the uncontrollable rage that threatens to destroy anything that dares harm the ones he loved. He didn't know what killed him. 

“You think?” Soowon asked, “I don’t think he realize how amazing he is.”

Joodoh remembered, Soowon, with his hand stretched out towards him, saying “You are my goal.” He didn’t know how to answer that, and it must have shown on his face, because Soowon asked, in a deliberately gentle voice, “Hey, Captain Joodoh, are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” he lied. 

“I’m sorry,” Soowon frowned, looking confused and vaguely worried. 

“Don’t be,” he answered. 

Soowon never mentioned Hak to him again.

* * *

Perhaps he was too absorbed in his role as the royal babysitter. Perhaps he let his attention lingered a little too long on Yona and Soowon. But he missed it. 

Soowon and Hak had snuck out with the princess. By this point, Joodoh was used to Soowon sneaking off, it was Yona he worried for. He remembered this. Yona was kidnapped, he and Soowon found her, safe and sound. Knowing didn’t cease his worry, though. Many things turned out differently this time around, and Yona’s safety wasn’t something he could risk. 

And when he found them, safe and sound, he was so relieved that he had let his guards down, allowed himself to forget the reason he was there. 

Yuhon died but a days later. 

He should have known, should have remembered. Soowon’s father died not long after the festival. 

(But Hak didn’t know. Hak returned to Fuuga the following morning, and didn’t know until he got the news from Mundok weeks later.) 

In his dream, the young Soowon called him Hak. He rested his head upon Hak’s shoulder and said “it’s okay, Hak, it’s not time.” 


	3. Chapter 3

There was no doubt that Il was responsible for Yuhon’s death. It was a hushed thing between the royal guards. Il was the king they chose to serve, and their lives were in his hand. 

He watched as King Il, the man he once respected, grieve over Yuhon’s casket. He watched the man embrace Soowon like a loving uncle would, watched as abject terror transformed to helplessness on Soowon’s young face, and there was nothing he could do. 

Because until Soowon comes of age, Kouka still needed its king. A struggle for the throne would have taken the young Soowon and Yona as its first victims. That was something Joodoh could not allow. 

* * *

King Il was still Yona’s father, and for the most part, still a good man. He just had to talk Soowon out of it. 

“You can’t let vengeance cloud your judgement, Lord Soowon,” Joodoh snapped, trying to sound as stern as possible. His own voice sounded traitorous to even himself, “You are a member of the royal family! The needs of the kingdom are far more important than your personal feelings.” 

“The Kingdom? King Il is running this kingdom to the ground. With another piece of the Earth Tribe gone, soon there won’t be a kingdom left–” Keishuk abruptly shut his mouth at Joodoh’s glare. 

“King Il may need some guidance, but in his own way, he wants to keep Kouka safe. If it’s for the nation, we can work with him.” 

“ _Can_ we?” Soowon asked, and it was meant to sound bitter, but Soowon was young, so young, and the doubt in his voice was genuine. That was when Joodoh realized, some part of Soowon still wanted to work things out with his uncle. Even while hurt, even while angry and terrified, Soowon still wanted to try. 

Wasn’t Yona the same way? 

“We have to try,” Joodoh said. It was unfair to use Soowon’s naivety against him, unfair for _him_ to demand Soowon to do what Hak himself couldn’t do. 

It was unfair of him to say “he’s Yona’s father.” 

But they had to try. It would be better that way, for both Soowon and Yona. 

* * *

“Captain Joodoh,” King Il’s voice was gentle but stern, “I appreciate your input. But this is not a matter for you to decide.”

In other words, _don’t forget your place_. 

Joodoh had not forgotten the stubbornness of the man who stopped a sword with his bare hand. The trait which seemed admirable to young Hak was now his endless source of frustration. 

With the new treaty, yet another piece of Kouka was carved away. Keishuk’s voice echoed in his head, _Soon there won’t be a kingdom left._

Down in the garden, he could hear Yona laughing, innocent and sweet, and felt his blood froze in his veins. 

It was harder and harder for him to deny it. Keishuk was right. 

* * *

“I’ll do it,” he knelt before Soowon, and the sheer _wrongness_ of his words made him sick, “I pledge my life to you, and to Kouka." This time, _he_ would be one of the people who orchestrated that night. _He_ would be amongst those who sent King Il to hell. _He_ would be the one to rob Yona of her father. 

“Thank you, Captain,” Soowon smiled, but there was no satisfaction on his face. It was bitter, resigned. 

Joodoh still remembered how it felt to hate Soowon, still remembered how it felt to have Soowon’s head in his hand. The worst part was the slim moment of satisfaction when the light faded out of Soowon’s eyes. 

He looked at Soowon’s resigned face. A boy too young to be broken, too young to look so tired. He remembered Yona, eyes empty after her father’s death. He remembered King Il’s kind smile. 

He hated. He hated everything. 


	4. Chapter 4

Joodoh lost to Guentae in the tournament. Hak won. 

Old wounds from the wars hindered and slowed down his movements. A missed opportunity, a slip. Was Guentae always this strong? All he knew was that his abilities declined while his younger-self got stronger each day. 

("You fight like a man who has seen many battles,” Guentae commented, “when the kingdom’s at a time of peace.” 

“I train a lot,” he answered. It was bullshit, but Guentae didn’t press for it.)

It frightened him, this younger Hak. Stronger, faster, without any doubt in his eyes. How was he to protect Soowon from the Thunder Beast if he wasn’t the Thunder Beast anymore?

“I want Hak to join us,” Soowon said. 

In retrospect, it all made sense. Strange questions that he thought were simply Soowon’s fancy. They were tests. 

“He won’t,” Joodoh answered, and Soowon just laughed. 

“Hak will come around,” he said, and it sounded more like wishful thinking, “I know you don’t like him, Captain Joodoh, but he’s my friend." 

But Joodoh knew Hak better than Soowon did. Hak, who could only see the small world before him, who only cared for Yona, who was stubbornly loyal to King Il. Hak, who would do anything to protect that small world. Hak, who was a coward that ran from his responsibility as the next General, too blind to see the state of their country, to see the state of the one he called a friend. 

There was hope in Soowon’s eyes, and Joodoh didn’t know how to crush it. 

* * *

He had thought about it, getting rid of Hak. If Hak’s untimely murder of Soowon was the beginning of the nation’s downfall, he must get rid of his younger self, who grew stronger each day at a terrifying speed.

(Would Joodoh disappear? Or would he remain to be punished for the murder of an innocent child? It didn’t matter. If he could prevent the death of Yona-)

But someone had to be there to protect Yona that night. 

* * *

Seeing it happen was terrible. 

Soowon, eyes blank with blood on his robes. 

Yona, eyes wide with fear. 

Joodoh directed the soldiers, had them follow Minsoo, made sure Yona got out of the castle safe and sound. 

Soowon didn’t try to speak to him after. Joodoh was thankful for that. He had nothing to say to his new king. 

* * *

When the false news of Yona and Hak's deaths arrived, Joodoh didn't correct it. Soowon grieved. It was difficult to watch, because Soowon had no right to grieve since he abandoned their friendship, but he grieved anyway. 

It was easier to pretend that Soowon was heartless. That the friend he lost was a facade. Yet he grieved. Joodoh hated that, he’d have to grieve for Soowon’s death if Soowon grieved for theirs. 

He remembered the boy who brought him soup, the boy who hung by his arm, saying things like “Captain Joodoh, teach me how to fight” and “do you want sweets? I brought sweets!” He missed it, the boy that smiled like the sun. 

(When Soowon’s smile returned in Cishin, while planning the war game, Joodoh found himself oddly irritated. What was he hoping for? For Soowon to grieve for them forever? To live in the shadow of his betrayal, pushing on with nothing but a sense of duty until he runs empty? 

_“It’s not time,”_ Soowon had said.

_Why did he say that? Why did he say it wasn’t time?_ )

"But General Joodoh, it was fun, wasn’t it?” Soowon’s voice held a smile, and it sounded so full of life and light that it made Joodoh forget about being Hak. 

For the first time since the coup, Joodoh felt alive. 


	5. Chapter 5

“I’d like to pay a visit to the Fire Tribe, starting with Katan” Soowon said. 

“No,” Joodoh answered immediately. He had seen this coming. He wouldn’t let it happen. 

Soowon blinked, surprised by the open insubordination. 

“General Joodoh, I have information on the state of the Fire Tribe villages. Corruption runs amok, poverty, epidemic. No one in this nation needs our attention more than these people.” 

“I will take care of it, your majesty.” 

“I want to see it, personally,” Soowon said, smiling, “General, you once told me to put the needs of Kouka first. I am still new to ruling, I want to learn about the people I pledged to serve.” 

Soowon did not need Joodoh’s permission to do anything. He was the King. But Soowon was not someone who gave orders without an explanation. He thought he could reason with Joodoh. He thought Joodoh was just being a worrywart. Soowon didn’t see himself die. 

“You cannot go to Katan. That is the one thing that I will absolutely never allow. I will tie you down if I have to!” Status be damned. 

Soowon tilted his head, clearly taken aback. For a moment, Joodoh picture him using the status card. _Know your place._

Soowon didn’t, instead, he said, with an open and receptive look, “I trust you, General Joodoh. Explain to me.” 

Joodoh had thought of this moment, practiced it in his mind. He checked the premises, making sure they were actually alone. 

“If you go to Katan, you will die. I was the one who had killed you.”

Soowon blinked, too dumbfounded to be offended. 

“I’m… Hak, from the future,” he hadn’t refer to himself by that name for so long, it felt alien on his tongue. 

With concern, Soowon placed one hand on Joodoh's forehead and the other on his own. Upon realizing that neither of them were sick, he slapped his own face, only to grimace with a “ow” after a rather loud thwack. Realizing that he was fully conscious, he attempted to slap Joodoh. 

“Stop that!” Joodoh snapped, catching Soowon’s hand mid-air. 

“Right, sorry, please continue.” 

“You lost your first tooth while we were sparring. I freaked out because I thought I had hurt you somehow.” 

“When we were 8, we made code words. Yona was the word for ‘good’. That got really confusing when we were actually referring to Yona. So instead we used the word ‘dawn’ for the colour of her hair.” 

“You said you wanted me, once.” 

Soowon had also said Hak was his goal, he said ‘what a beautiful dream’. Soowon had said a lot of things. 

“I was Hak, and I killed you in Katan.” 

In all his 28 years of knowing Soowon, Joodoh could not picture what reaction Soowon would give. It seemed like Soowon couldn’t decide either. He frowned, opened his mouth, and closed it. Too confused to process any emotions. 

Perhaps coming clean about time travel was more trouble than it was worth.

“But you were...” Soowon motioned dumbly, “always around…” 

“I was 18 when it happened.” _When Yona died._

Soowon pondered on this. 

“How did you-?”

“I don’t know,” he answered, “I didn’t chose this.” 

There was a prolonged silence as Soowon stared at him. 

“I have no reason to lie about this,” Joodoh answered. 

“No, a lie would be more convincing,” Soowon agreed, “It’s just…” Soowon paused, looking for words. “Well… you’ve aged,” he said, finally. 

“And who’s fault do you think that is?” Joodoh shouted. 

“After I killed you in Katan, Yona took the throne. Her ascension was immediately followed by a rebellion from the Fire Tribe, allied with Kai. The rest of the tribes could not be united under the new Empress, and…” 

Soowon nodded, having understood. 

“She died,” Joodoh said anyway. He needed to say it. He needed Soowon to hear it. 

Soowon didn’t speak for a long time. When it was clear Joodoh wouldn’t continue talking, he spoke again. 

“All these years… You were… I’m-” 

“Don’t,” Joodoh cut him off. He didn’t need Soowon’s apology or sympathy. He needed Soowon to live and rule. 

Soowon withdrew his out-reaching hand. 

“Alright,” answered Soowon, “I won’t go to Katan for now.” 

In the following days, as Soowon’s sources investigated into the activities of Kan Sujin, Soowon asked Joodoh to detail everything which had happened after his death. Joodoh filled him in on all that was necessary, no more, no less. 

He never asked Joodoh why he killed him. 

* * *

“Did you know? About King Il and my father?” 

“Yes,” said Joodoh, and didn’t elaborate.

 He remembered the young Soowon, figure small against Yuhon’s casket, looking lost, helpless. He remembered young Soowon, forcing a smile as he greeted his uncle, and he wanted to say _‘I’m sorry. I couldn’t stop him. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’_

But it wasn’t what Soowon needed to hear. 

(And perhaps, even after everything, Hak still couldn’t find it in himself to apologize to the man who betrayed him first.) 

From Soowon, he heard a shuddering breath, but no question or demands. 

Joodoh had no illusion of friendship left between himself and Soowon, but Soowon still needed to trust him, and he still needed to protect Soowon. In a voice which sounded grating to his own ears, he said, “My pledge to you stands true. I still intend to protect and serve you for the sake of this nation. If you would allow me.” 

“Tomorrow,” said Soowon, turning his back to him, shoulders hunched and voice strained, “Give me some time. Tomorrow I’ll be able to face you again.” 

The following day, Soowon looked to him and smiled. 

Joodoh remembered young Soowon, smiling at his uncle, and wished it didn’t look like he was carving his heart out. 

* * *

It was almost laughable, then, how the rebellion which haunted his dream came and passed. 

They were prepared, and victory was easy under Soowon’s planning. The Earth Tribe arrived on time, Guen-Tae filled with determination to prove his worth to the king. 

Kan Soojin died by the sword of his own men. 

Kan Kyoga knelt before Soowon. Soowon granted mercy, just as Yona did. But mercy from someone secure in their power was strength, not weakness. 

Yona and Yoon had done the impossible. An agricultural revolution, lead by the younger son of Sujin. They fixed poverty. 

For the first time, Joodoh could see it, everything coming together. Soowon and Yona, working in tandem. When their visions align, they were powerful, unstoppable. 

Soowon had said, “it’s not time.” Joodoh finally understood. 

There once was a time when Hak wanted Soowon and Yona to marry. Would they have been able to accomplish this, if they were side by side? 

Perhaps they were meant to be separate. 


	6. Chapter 6

As the fire tribe revolt came and passed, Joodoh had let his guards down. It was a new and unfamiliar future, one which he welcomed. So it was in Seishen where history repeated itself. 

They saw Yona again. 

He should have known better, should have shepherded Soowon away. But something was wrong. Hak wasn’t there with her. Why wasn’t he _there_? Shouldn’t he be the one to protect her? 

He couldn’t let anything happen to her. 

That was how they came face to face with his younger self, with bloodlust radiating off him and murder in his eyes as he charged at Soowon. 

Soowon stood, frozen as a statue, unmoving. 

And every fibre of Joodoh screamed, **_No. Not this time,_** as he drew his sword and blocked Hak’s path. But his younger self was faster. He parried. He easily overpowered him. He tossed Joodoh aside like a rag doll and reached for Soowon and in Joodoh’s mind he heard the crack of Soowon’s skull against the pavement and “Hak… it’s not time” and Yona’s sobs and the sound of battle and _No, not this time. It can’t end like this._

But his interference bought enough time for Jeaha and Kija to stop Hak. 

“I will hold him, so please leave,” said Jaeha. 

He shepherded Soowon away. Soowon, who was still frozen. 

Later, when thinking back to the even, he’d remember the way Soowon shielded Yona behind him when arrows flew at them and think, _why did he do that?_

Later, he asked, “Why didn’t you take out your sword?” He asked, “Now you choose to succumb to your emotions and give up your life?” He remembered _it’s not time_  and shouted, “If you’re going to die, please do so after you’ve finished what you’ve started.” Because he couldn’t, he couldn’t die yet. Joodoh wouldn’t let him. 

And Soowon said “I’m sorry”, Soowon said “I wasn’t going to throw my life away” and “my body wouldn’t move.” 

Soowon, looking straight at Joodoh, said “next time, I will kill him.” 

* * *

Later, after the five tribes meeting, Soowon brought him soup. 

* * *

“That sour attitude is the reason you could never get a wife, Joodoh,” Guentae teased. 

It wasn’t as if he had never considered. Ever since his promotion to the Sky General, there had been a few offers from the more affluent families of Kouka. But marriage was something that never felt right. 

His time was frozen since the day Yona died. Or perhaps, it was frozen ever since he killed Soowon. 

On that year, Soowon was the same age as he was now, 18. He never had a chance to marry, or father any children, or build a life with someone. And neither did Yona, nor Yun, nor Taewu nor Hundae nor Ayame and Saki. It didn’t feel right, for him to be the only one to hit that milestone. 

* * *

In his dream, the five tribes have been united, Kouka has been brought back to its former glory. Yona has won the heart of the people, and they knew she’d make a formidable queen, dragons by her side. She was smiling. The nation was at peace. 

“It’s time,” Soowon said, smiling as he guided Joodoh’s hand to his neck, golden hair glimmering softly under the sunlight like a halo, “wasn’t this what you wanted since the beginning? We did it.”

With a light chuckle, genuine and bright, he said, "End this. You can rest now.” 


	7. Chapter 7

The next time they saw Hak, he and Soowon had accomplished yet another impossible task. They saved An Joon-Gi’s daughter. 

Soowon had a connection with his younger self, and his younger self wanted Soowon dead. 

“Are you going to let him go?” Joodoh asked, and reminded Soowon of his promise. 

If Soowon wouldn’t do it, then Joodoh would. He had to end Hak. He drew his sword. 

Guen-tae was saying something to him, he couldn’t remember what he answered, couldn’t think straight. All he could hear, over and over, was the crack of Soowon’s skull against the pavement. He could see Soowon’s blood, colouring the pavement red, hear his voice as he croaked “Hak… I can’t… it’s not time.” He remembered the bloodlust, the desire to kill Soowon at any cost. As long as he was alive, Soowon would never be safe. 

“He will eventually threaten his majesty’s life! We have to do something before that happens! We have to kill him!" He must have been shouting. _Can’t they see? Why couldn’t they see?_

Soowon’s hand rested on his. 

“General Joodoh, please stand down,” his voice was soft but steady, commanding. 

“You still cannot throw away your personal feelings?!” 

“You misunderstand,” Soowon explained, “have you not noticed it? The bloodlust directed towards you.”

The people that he once considered friends, the people whom he once considered family, stood against him. Joodoh felt his blood chill, his strength sapped out of him. 

“If we were to fight them head on, neither of us would survive.” 

Yona stared at him from across the field, her eyes wary, sad.

* * *

“General Joodoh.” Once they were in private, Soowon sought him out. He took a deep breath, steadying himself. 

“I understand that you resent me.” 

His voice was soft, resigned. Joodoh felt his heart drop out of his chest and plopped on the ground. 

“I know what you’ve given up to follow me, and I’ve never doubted your resolve.”

“I know that neither of us will lead a happy life or have a peaceful death.”

“But I’m grateful that you’re here with me, and that Hak is there to protect Yona."

“I will kill Hak myself, if it becomes necessary… So please… You don’t have to…” His voice trailed off, his hand, reaching outwards, never landed on Joodoh. 

_You don’t have to destroy yourself any further._

He remembered Soowon’s outstretched hands, reaching towards him, _it’s frustrating. Even though we’re so close, I don’t feel like I can reach you at all._

_“You still cannot throw away your personal feelings?”_ Joodoh remembered himself, demanding his king. All this time, Joodoh had thought Soowon’s feelings were solely for his past self. 

Wordlessly, Joodoh took Soowon’s hands into his own. He wished he could open his mouth and tell Soowon that he no longer resented him, that he forgave him, that he was glad to be here. Those would be lies. 

He remembered the Soowon in his dream, guiding his hands to his neck, saying “it’s time.” He knew, deep in his heart, that he still resented Soowon, and that as long as he was alive, that resentment will one day destroy his king, his best friend, the child he watched grew up. 

It hurt. It hurt to see Soowon hurt, hurt to know that he was the one doing it, both as Hak, and as Joodoh. 

He let go of Soowon’s hand. 

“I thought I was brought back to save Yona… That was the reason I held onto. But the truth is, I also wanted to save you,” he answered, because that was still true. 

“It was never about Kouka. I only said that because it’s what you cared about. More than anyone, I wanted to save you and Yona.” 

There was one truth he knew. 

“I wanted to protect you,” _from myself, from losing your father, from having to murder your uncle._  Suddenly, it felt like years of failure came crashing down. He no longer knew how to breath. 

“I’m sorry,” Joodoh said, to the friend he had murdered, the boy he had failed, the young man he had hurt. 

_I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry._

There was a stretch of silence, accompanied by nothing but his heart heartbeat, before he felt Soowon’s arm wrap around him. 

“It’s okay, General Joodoh…” Soowon's voice was cracking, "Hak. I’m okay. You protected me. I’m alive, I’m right here.” 

For the first time in 17 years, Joodoh allowed himself to relax in Soowon’s embrace, soaking in Soowon’s relief. 

“I’m glad you’re here, Joodoh,” Soowon said, "Thank you.”

Joodoh could hear a smile in Soowon’s voice. And he thought, _'I miss this.'_

As he returned Soowon’s embrace, holding the young man ever closer in his arms, Joodoh felt his time start moving again. 

* * *

 

**Epilogue**

“He’s you, Hak,” Soowon explained. 

“What?” Yona and Hak asked in unison. 

“I would rather not be associated with the Thunder Beast,” Joodoh answered. 

“You can use his name, General Joodoh.”

“That was my name. I’d rather not.” 

“What are you even talking about?” Hak could feel his patience draining. Patience that came at a limit around the presence of Soowon. 

“It might be better for Joodoh to explain this one himself.”

So, Joodoh did what he had always wanted to do for the past 17 years. He shouted at Hak for two hours straight. Hak, vaguely mortified and thoroughly creeped, was just glad he avoided the tragic future where he became… that. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be an epilogue. Eventually. Hope you enjoyed the ride. Hope it wasn't too dark. Leave a comment? Add more fics to this AU? Please I want more of this but I don't want to write it.

**Author's Note:**

> Pst... Hey... You, yes you. Did you enjoy this? Mind leaving a comment and telling me your thoughts? Do you want to write more fics in this AU? Do you? Please do it, then link me. Thanks.


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